5 New Ways to Think - Which Will Lead You to Self-Forgiveness
We can be good at holding grudges. Betrayal is an intimate thing, made even more complicated when the one we betray is ourselves. The problem is anger at our actions and misdeeds can become quite challenging to let go of, especially once it gets into the wiring and becomes part of our self-talk. We're experts at beating ourselves up, especially when we can revisit the past to make the pain fresh again.
How to change your thinking when what you need more than anything is to forgive yourself? Try these simple tips:
Take the Self-Talk Outside
Too often, the things we're telling ourselves are a lot harsher and more undeserved than we realize. Ask a trusted friend or advisor for help and explain the situation. Go over what you feel you did and what you're telling yourself now about the betrayal. Their insight might surprise you and help lead you to a more reasonable middle ground where forgiveness is more likely to be achieved.
What Were the Expectations?
Just whose guidelines had you been following? It might be you never let yourself down at all. On the contrary, you might have let down someone else’s image of who you should be. But, on the other hand, it might be the only forgiveness you need to try to follow the dictates of someone else.
Find Your Centre
Whenever negative thoughts come up where you're beating yourself up about the past, take a deep breath. Hold it to the count of four. Release this slowly. Pause. Then breathe again. This will help bring you back to the present moment and control your thoughts before they run away with you again.
Change Your Image
Quit painting yourself as the bad guy in your mind. You are not the worst villain to ever exist. You made a very human mistake. Remind yourself you're still a good person with many excellent qualities. List three good things about yourself which you like. Hold this image of yourself in your mind. It's a lot easier to forgive someone who made a mistake than it is to forgive the creature you're making yourself out to be.
Think Happy Thoughts
Negativity blossoms in negative atmospheres. Rather than cluttering up your mind with depressed and angry thoughts, try changing what you think about. Practice gratitude by reminding yourself of all the great things you have going for you. Be more mindful of who you are right now. Look at the little acts of kindness you perform for other people. These things all serve as reminders of what a fabulous and worthy person you are.
In all of these ideas, the main thing is to refocus from blame and self-deprecating thoughts to more positive reminders of who you are. Forgiveness is easy when you see yourself as being worthy of forgiveness.